Clean Eating Update

Hey Everyone, 

As I mentioned in a previous post, a couple of weeks ago I decided to challenge myself to following a clean eating diet for 30 days. After a week of reading books and various clean eating blogs/websites, cleaning out my cupboards and buying a bunch of clean eating foods, I finally started my fully clean eating diet last Monday. So far, I absolutely love it. 

I feel like my whole life I've been programmed to only think about calories and fat when it comes to dieting. I have been on weight watchers several times and while, I did manage to lose weight, I wouldn't say I ever felt healthy. On weight watchers you are programmed to eat snacks that, while low in calories, really aren't made with the most wholesome ingredients (hello 100 calorie thinsation cookies, or mini weight watchers bagels). So while I was losing weight, I was also eating a fair share of chemicals, additives, etc. 

With clean eating, I am eating real food. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains, etc. If I have chocolate its as close to 100% cocoa as I can find. If I want ice cream, I blend up a banana and add some natural peanut butter to it (surprisingly this has a really ice-cream like texture). If I want spaghetti sauce, I make my own with fresh tomatoes and basil.  If I want something sweet, I don't use processed unrefined sugar. I use 100% raw organic honey. I'm still able to eat a majority of my favourite foods, I am just making them myself and know exactly what is in them. I feel better about myself and really feel like I have a purpose again (something I often lack lying in bed with chronic pain). 

As far as weight loss, I haven't seen any real results yet (I go up and down each day it seems), but as of right now, I don't really care. I feel good about what I am putting in my body. I am conscious of the portion sizes I am eating but I am not limiting myself to a certain amount of calories (or 'points'). If I'm hungry, I eat something wholesome, I don't think 'well, you aren't supposed to have more than a 100 calorie snack this afternoon'. 

With the exception of being a vegetarian for the past 18 years I tend to be someone who throws everything I  have into something and then gives up a couple of months later when I get bored and move onto the new thing. While I can't say I am going to be a clean eater for the rest of my life, I can say that this 'diet' feel a lot different than other diets I've tried in the past and I really hope this is a life style change I can, and will want to, stick to for a long time. 

I will be sure to keep you updated on my progress, and once I find some more great clean eating recipes, I will definitely be sharing them. If you are interested in seeing what I am eating, be sure to follow me on Instagram (funnyfacebeautypics) where I post almost daily photos of my meals (yep, I'm one of those!). 

Thanks so much for your support. 
xx
Alicia

Cinnamon Chia Seed Granola Recipe

Hey Everyone, 

One of the best clean eating recipes I have found since starting my 'healthy eating' journey has been Shape Magazine's 'Cinnamon Chia Seed Granola'. Making a few minor adjustments of my own, this recipe has become a house hold favourite as it tastes absolutely delicious! 

With only five wholesome ingredients, this granola fits the 'clean eating' bill and combines oats (fiber, protein), chia seeds (fiber, protein, omega-3 fatty acids), cinnamon (fiber, calcium, iron), honey (probiotics) and canola oil. 

I have been eating this granola by itself as a mid afternoon snack, sprinkled onto a bowl of greek yogurt and berries for breakfast or mixed with homemade frozen yogurt for dessert. 

Recipe

1 cup of old fashioned large flake oats

2 tbsp. of chia seeds

3/4 tsp. of cinnamon

2 tbsp. of organic honey (can use non organic)

1 tbsp. of canola oil (could use olive oil or coconut oil for cleaner recipe)

Directions

1) Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

2) Combine oats, chia seeds and cinnamon in a small bowl. 

3) Stir in honey and oil and mix until all oats/chia seeds are well coated.

4) Spread mixture onto a baking sheet

5) Cook for 15-18 minutes or until slightly browned. 

Will you be giving this clean granola recipe a try? Any great clean eating recipes you can share with me? 

All Natural 'Chia Seed Energy Drink' Recipe

Hey Everyone, 

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am currently stuck in bed with, what feels like, the flu. For me, the worst part of any flu (or cold) is the complete lack of energy and feelings of exhaustion. Trying to fight these feelings, I decided to try my hand at making an all natural (and hopefully tasty) energy drink. The drink contains three clean ingredients including chia seeds which are packed full of omega-3 fatty acids, fiber, anti-oxidants, minerals and protein. Chia seeds also help keep you hydrated (very important when you are sick) as they can absorb 9-10 times their weight in water. 

Recipe

2 cups of water

1/2 tbsp of chia seeds 

1/2 tbsp of fresh lemon juice 

** Chia seeds expand in water taking on a strange but cool jelly-like texture**

** If you are not a fan of tart drinks, add 1/2 tbsp of maple syrup, raw honey or agave nectar. **

** Try adding some fruits like raspberries or vegetables like cucumber to give the drink more flavour**

Will you be trying out this all natural energy drink recipe? If so, be sure to share your thoughts and/or pictures in the comment section below. 

Band Fill Update + My Favourite Green Smoothie

Hey Everyone, 

It's been almost 2 weeks since I got my latest lap band 'fill' and, let me tell you, I have noticed a difference. The first couple of days after receiving my fill, I figured it hadn't worked. I was able to eat all of the same foods I had been able to eat before the fill,  and didn't feel any less hungry. By day three, however, things had changed. The first thing I noticed was that the foods I had never had difficulties with, were extremely hard to eat. From well toasted bread to crunchy lettuce, I get 'stuck' at least once a meal and am not able to flush the food down with a sip of water (I won't get into the gross details of how I get the food unstuck). I have also noticed myself getting full or satisfied with less food, although I still feel fairly hungry between meals. I have not seen much weight loss since getting the fill, but am really hoping that with a little exercise (I'm currently sick with the flu and in bed) and a new diet (see below), I will start seeing results soon. 

Clean Eating
In an attempt to eat even better than I have been, I have dared myself and one of my sisters to go on a 'clean eating' diet for one month. For those who don't already know, a clean eating diet involves whole nutritious foods (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, proteins) and no processed foods, white flour or sugar. There is a lot of planning that has to go into eating this way (shopping, meal prep, choosing clean recipes, cleaning out the cupboards), so we won't be starting until next week. After a few days of eating this way, I will be sure to update you on my progress and hopefully share a few favourite recipes. 

My Favourite Green Smoothie
As I mentioned in my previous post, I am on a green smoothie kick, and find that this healthy drink, packed with spinach and a variety of fruit, is usually enough to keep me satisfied between breakfast and lunch. While I don't have exact measurements for what I include in my smoothie (I usually just eyeball it), I wanted to share my favourite green smoothie combination. 

1 handful of spinach (High in Fiber, Omega 3, Protein and Vitamins C, E, A and K)

1/2 a banana (High in Potassium, Fiber and Vitamins C and B-6)

1/2 of a peach (High in Vitamins A and C, Fiber, Potassium and Antioxidants)

Frozen Mango Chunks (High in Fiber, Vitamins A,C,E and K and Potassium)

Earth's Own Original Almond Milk (High in Calcium, Vitamins C, E, D and A)

2 tbsp of Chia Seeds on top (High in Omega 3, Protein, Fiber and Antioxidants)

Have you tried green smoothies before? Any combinations you think I should try? Be sure to let me know in the comment area. 

xx

Alicia

My Third Lap Band Fill

Hey Everyone, 

Yesterday my sister, Gillian and I took a two hour trip to Toronto so that I could get my third lap band fill. Despite already having had two previous fills I was extremely nervous and worried that the people at the clinic were going to judge/scold me for not having lost (and possibly having gained) weight since my last fill. Before getting my surgery last year, I met with the surgeon, a nurse and the patient co-ordinator. While they were all nice, each made a few stereotypical 'fat girl' comments like "You're going to have to stop eating at McDonald's" (I actually hate McDonald's food) and "You're going to have to listen when your Mom tells you not to go back for seconds" (believe it or not, I have never been a really big eater and I rarely go back for seconds) which really bothered me. 

The first thing they did when I got to the clinic was weigh me, and while I am always somewhat annoyed that their scale says I am 3lbs heavier than the scale I use at home, I was surprised and happy to hear that, while I hadn't lost any weight since my last fill, I hadn't gained any weight either. The nurse who did my fill then asked me about what I had been eating, my portion size and whether or not I felt satisfied for at least 2-4 hours between meals. I told her that while I had been eating much healthier than in the past, I found the allotted one cup of food at meal time wasn't satisfying and that I was feeling true hunger an hour or so after some of my meals. Based on that information and the fact that my previous .4cc fill was too tight, and my .1cc fill not tight enough, we decided I should have a .2cc fill this time around. 

To fill the band, the nurse sticks a large needle into my lap band port via my stomache. While the procedure looks somewhat gruesome (according to friends and family who have seen it being done), it has never really hurt, and while yesterday's was a little more painful  (the nurse had a hard time getting the needle into my port), it's nothing worse than getting blood taken. 

After receiving my fill, I was asked to drink a small cup of water to make sure it would go down properly (when my band was too tight, it was hard to swallow the water). The water went down perfectly, and I was sent home with instructions to eat soft foods for the remainder of the day (eggs, soups, smoothies, etc). 

The best part of the appointment was finding out that the clinic has decided to send a nurse to my city every 2 weeks to do at home fills. Having to travel two hours to the clinic and two hours back has always been difficult especially considering my fibromyalgia. The fact that I can now get fills in my own city will, hopefully, aid me in my weight loss. 

While I don't feel any difference today in terms of feeling more full and/or not being able to eat certain foods, the lap band fill can take up to 2 weeks to kick in. I am really hoping this fill will help me get to the 50lbs weight loss mark. 

As always thanks for your encouragement and support. 

xx
Alicia

Weight Loss Update (Let's Make These Regular)

Hey Everyone, 

I realize it has been far too long since I wrote a post for this site. After having my surgery just under a year ago (can you believe it's been almost a year?!), I really wanted things to 'get back to normal' and neglected writing on this site because, at the time, I felt like it would be a daily reminder of how different my life would really have to be. What I didn't realize at the time was just how beneficial having this blog could be. Having to be accountable to to not only my family and friends, but also my amazing followers will definitely keep me on the right path. It is for that reason I have decided to start posting WEEKLY updates on this blog. Below are a number of updates to catch you up on my life with a lap band. 

Weight Loss: 
Before starting my two week pre-op diet last year, I tipped the scales at my highest weight ever, 278 lbs. As of this morning, I weigh 235 lbs. While I am happy to have lost 43 lbs thus far, I would be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat disappointed I'm not further along. I have been losing and gaining for what seems like the last 3-4 months and haven't been able to reach that magic 50lbs weight loss number. 

Food Consumption: 
After first receiving my surgery, I was a lap band superstar. I ate the foods I was told to eat (high protein, low carbs, low calorie, low fat, etc), ate very slowly and was sure to chew chew chew every piece of food that went into my mouth. The first time I got stuck was scary. I could feel the piece of food pressing against my chest and knew I wasn't going to be able to swallow it no matter how much water I drank to flush it down. Luckily the process of 'throwing it up' wasn't as bad as I had been told and, eventually, I became less cautious when eating knowing that I could easily 'flush' or 'throw up' any piece of food that got stuck (a very bad mind set). While it felt nice to be slowing losing weight, it also felt nice to be able to eat some of my old favourite foods (ice cream, pasta, etc), and I slowly got out of the habit of eating well. Fast forward to last month when I got on the scale and realized I had gained 8lbs since my last weigh-in. Not wanting to disappoint my family who paid for my surgery or be embarrassed the next time I went to my surgeon's office for a weigh in or a fill, I decided to change my eating patterns. Realizing that I am not someone who will ever be willing to give up the foods I really enjoy (this is not supposed to be a strict diet but rather a lifestyle change), I decided I needed to start cooking myself much healthier versions of my favourite meals, snacks, etc. From green smoothies and chia seed granola to homemade low calorie strawberry ice cream, I've been cooking up a storm, and while I honestly haven't seen much weight loss (I think I've lost 3lbs total), I do feel much healthier and, am hoping a lap band fill later this week can help get me back on track when it comes to losing the weight. 

Filling the Band
Since having my surgery almost a year ago, I have had two lap band fills. While I should be having fills more regularly, the fact that the surgeon's office is 2 hours away combined with the fact that I have been having a horrible year when it comes to my fibromyalgia, has made it very difficult. The last time I went for a fill was back in March. After telling the nurse that I was feeling quite hungry between meals and had eat more than a cup of food per meal to feel satisfied, she decided to give me a 4cc fill. After receiving a fill you are asked to drink a couple of sips of water to ensure that band is not too tight. After receiving my 4cc fill, I found it was somewhat hard to swallow the water and had to have a de-fill. In the end I ended up with only a 1cc fill (not sure why they didn't leave it at a 2cc or 3cc), which unfortunately did nothing for my hunger or weight loss. This time I plan on asking for a bigger fill and am hoping for no swallowing complications. 

The Future
As I said above, I really want to get back to posting regular updates on this site. I also thought it might be fun for if I shared pictures of/recipes for some of the healthier foods I have been eating. My goal is to hit the 50lbs weight loss mark by the end of Summer and I am hoping with your encouragement and support I will be able to do just that. 

xx
Alicia

Update: Finally Losing Weight

My Mom reminded me last week that I really needed to write a post for this blog, because the last time I posted, I was in a very negative space, hating the surgeon who preformed my surgery (I'm still not a fan) and declaring my regret for doing this in the first place. Since the last post, I've gotten a better grip on how to eat with the lapband and have actually been losing some weight. 

What to Eat?

A month ago I was completely confused on what to eat, what not to eat, whether to count calories or just focus on smaller portions. After doing an online webinar with the dietitian at my surgeon's office, I think I finally have a grasp on the food portion of my weight loss. Basically, I need to be having three small meals a day, as well as a couple of snacks if needed. The minimum amount of time time between meals should be 2 hours, and the maximum should be 4. I am supposed to eat about a cup of food total per meal and that cup should be filled with high protein and high fibre foods. To give you a small example of what I am eating, here is a sample menu. 

Breakfast

1/2 cup plain greek yogurt

1/4 cup of blueberries

1/4 cup of high protein and fibre granola

Lunch

1 whole grain tortilla

1 tbsp peanut butter

Snack

3 whole grain crackers

light marble cheese

Dinner

1 veggie burger (without the bun)

1/4 cup cottage cheese

20 whole grain 'chips'

Snack

non-fat frozen yogurt

Getting a fill? 

While I was definitely eating properly, the weight just didn't seem to be coming off and I was stuck at 19lbs  for a good 3 or so weeks. One day I would go down, the next I would go up, and I was getting really frustrated. I called the surgeon's office and decided to book an appointment to get a fill (they would tighten my band so I would be more restricted and have to eat less). However, a few days before my appointment, I found myself  eating more food and actually losing more weight. It seems that I wasn't eating enough,and so my body was stuck in 'starvation mode'.  I called the office, spoke with a nurse, and while she didn't seem to like the idea of me eating more (although she never asked what I had been eating), she agreed that I should hold off on the fill for the time being. 

My weight loss to date. 

I am happy to say that as of today, I have lost 26lbs since my surgery and it is really starting to show. My face is much thinner (hallelujah!), my clothes are getting pretty big and I seem to be able to move, walk, etc. more easily. My first goal was to lose 25lbs and,because I did, I will be getting a new tattoo in the next couple of weeks. My next goal is 50lbs, which I hope to be at by Christmas. 

Thanks for all of your support and I promise to update this blog more frequently than I have been. 

xx

Alicia

Updates: One Month Post Surgery

While I am definitely not where I would like to be (in terms of the amount of weight I have lost, or really haven't lost), I am happy to say that I am one month post surgery and doing so much better than I was the first few weeks. Here are some updates:

Pain
I am so happy to say that I am no longer in pain (well at least pain related to my lap band).  My incisions are finally healing, and while they do get itchy from time to time, they no longer hurt, burn, stab, etc. I am back to wearing regular pants (no more sweatpants) and can do up my jeans without them pressing on my large incisions.

Food
I am slowly introducing a number of my favourite foods back into my diet. So far I haven't had many problem foods, but have to constantly remind myself to chew chew chew and eat slowly. I have had a couple of 'stuck' incidents that resulted from me eating too quickly or a too big bite, and they are not fun. I got stuck on a piece of granola bar the other day and didn't make it to the bathroom in time to throw it back up. This concerns me a bit, as I am scared to eat out in public with others should I have to throw my food back up.
I realized in the past couple of days that I wasn't getting enough protein (and possibly eating too many carbs) so I have made a conscious effort to introduce more protein packed foods into my diet. I tried greek yogurt for the first time last week and while I am not loving it, it's okay when paired with blueberries and some protein packed granola. Other protein packed foods I plan to introduce this week are vegetarian burgers, vegetarian ground meat and possibly a homemade protein shake (still unsure what kind of protein powder to use).
I am trying to stay within the 1000 calories per day mark, and so far have no problems with this.

Weight
My weightloss has been absolutely frustrating. In the past two weeks I have gone up and down so many times, I can't even remember the different numbers. Before I had my surgery, my family's main concern was that I wouldn't lose weight. I have never been a really big eater, so it's not like I am cutting down from eating a bag of potato chips and a litre of coke a day. Also, I had tried to lose weight in the past two years (weight watchers, no carb diets, etc.) with no success. The surgeon assured me that if I followed the program I would lose the weight. Well, what now? I am going to call the surgeon's office tomorrow and request a face to face sit down with the dietician as I am not satisfied emailing her or talking over the phone. There has to be some reason I am not losing the weight, and I would like to know why.

Telling Others
This week I helped out at a golf tournament my Dad was running. When it came time for lunch, I had to tell the person in charge that I couldn't eat the food they provided and would have to go home to get my lunch. They looked at me strangely and so I had to explain why. I don't have a real problem telling people about my surgery (hello, I have a blog all about it) but can imagine that in the future I won't want to explain my food choices to every single person I interact with.

A Big Outing
One of the things I was most concerned about after surgery was the Kenny Chesney concert I had tickets for 3 weeks after my surgery. I honestly didn't think I would be able to make the 3 hour drive (there and back), but when the time came, I was feeling okay and managed to make it out. There were a few incidents with stomach aches, but overall I had a really good time. I brought my own food into the concert which definitely helped.

I am slowly learning what to do and what not to do with my lap band, but really hope the weight starts coming off soon.

xx
Alicia

Self Conscious

I know I haven't updated in a while and I promise to do a big update later this evening or tomorrow. I quickly wanted to write about something while it is still in my mind. You would think that as I begin to lose weight (not the amount I would like to have lost, but I have lost some) I would start to feel better about myself. This has not been the case. I don't know if it is the fact that I am constantly thinking about my weight, but I have been feeling so self conscious to the point that I don't want to go out in public. This afternoon my sister and I were supposed to go out shopping so she can get some clothes for teaching (she recently got on our school board's supply list), but I had a bit of a mental break down over the fact that I felt too fat and was embarrassed for others to see me. There have been a few times in the past where I have had my moments of being self conscious but honestly never like this. I hope this feeling goes away soon but I'm honestly not sure it will. It's hard thinking about your weight constantly. Worrying about not losing enough, or your clothes being too sloppy or too tight. I definitely thought I would have some emotional breakdowns, but not about this.

xx
Alicia

Updates (Two Weeks Post Op)

I apologize for not writing any posts this past week. Luckily my absence has less to do with the fact that I am still in pain, sick, etc. and more to do with the fact that things are finally getting back on track. While I still have a bit of pain around my incisions, I am feeling worlds better and am so happy to start to feel like myself again. Below are more updates: 

Pain
Like I said above, my pain is world's better.  I had my incisions checked yesterday (all of the bandages were also removed) and while the large incision is still quite tender, the other four don't bother me at all.

Exhaustion
I am definitely not feeling as exhausted as I was the first week, but still find that I need to take it easy. I went out to a store with my sister last week and after 20 minutes realized I needed to go home and rest. My body definitely sends me signals when it has had too much, and I am being careful not to push myself beyond my limits. 

Food
Last week was part of the 'pureed food stage' and surprisingly wasn't that bad. After being on a strict liquid diet, it was nice to have something different. I was worried how things like scrambled eggs and cottage cheese would go down (a lot of people get horrible stuck episodes with scrambled eggs) but I am happy to say I have yet to get stuck (knock on wood!). Yesterday was my first day of soft food (basically an extension of the pureed stage but adding a few items in). After talking to my nutritionist, I decided to try some weight watchers lasagna. It was weird taking such small bites and having to chew them 20-30 times, but it tasted so good!

Weight
My weight has been all over the place this week. One day I'm down two pounds, and the next I am up three. It is really freaking me out, because of course I did this whole thing to lose lose lose.  I honestly don't think I am eating too much (if anything before yesterday, I was eating too little). I am afraid to call the surgeon's office because I think they will try and blame the weight gain on me and just assume I am eating bad choices, or eating too much but honestly, that is not the case. For breakfast I eat one egg, with a bit of low fat cheese on top, and a mini yogurt. For lunch, I have 1/2 cup of homemade soup and for dinner I have 1/2 a mini weight watcher lasagna and 1/4 cup of cottage cheese. I do usually get hungry around 8 and will have either a popsicle, a little more lasagna, or 1/2 of a low fat homemade carrot muffin. 

My First Fill
I remember before I had my surgery, I read all of these posts in the online forum I frequent where people were saying how they couldn't wait to have their first fill. I personally thought they were crazy as the idea of having a huge needle stuck in my stomach, and spending 2 days on a liquid diet again are not appealing. Now, I totally understand. While I am eating less than I would have before the surgery, I don't feel as full as everyone says I should be. Now that my stomach is not swollen, and my band has not been tightened, I am hungry throughout the day. I believe I can't have my first fill until 6 weeks after surgery, so the next month may be a little rough. I am going to try and eat until I am not hungry, but also not ignore true hunger, and not eating can make me feel very sick. 

Regret
I am definitely not regretting this surgery as much as I was last week, but I am still very upset with the place I had my surgery. I feel like they deliberately left A LOT of information out in order to secure my money. There are so many things I have found out since having the surgery, that they never informed me of. I do plan on writing them an email expressing my displeasure (that's putting it nicely), but every time I start to write it, I get super angry and have to walk away from the computer. 

As always, thank you so much for your support! It is so so appreciated. 

xx
Alicia

Updates, Updates and More Updates (One Week Post Surgery)

I apologize for no written posts in the past week, but I have been in the inner depths of hell (slight exaggeration). To say my pain on days 2 and 3 was excruciating would be an understatement. It was so bad! Not only did my incisions hurt, I had really bad gas pains in my chest and back. The nausea I experienced was also really bad and I was petrified of throwing up because I didn't want to make my stomach hurt any further. Luckily I was able to use relaxational breathing to stop myself from being sick to my stomach. Here are some updates from my week:


Pain
Like I said above, my pain has been really really bad. I thought that day one would be the worst of it, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling a little smug day one thinking "if this is the worst of it, I am flying high!".  Trust me, it wasn't the worst of it. I have had several kinds of pain (listed below): 


1) Incision pain: I had five different incisions during surgery (all on my stomach) including one large incision and four small incisions. For some reason, these have been burning and itching like crazy, causing me to feel a slight bit nauseous every time I look down to make sure they are okay. 


2) Gas pain: To be honest, the gas pains I have experienced (mostly in my shoulder, chest and back) haven't been as bad as I thought they would be. They are uncomfortable, making my chest feel a lot of pressure, but with a little gas-x and a hiccup like burp (apparently people with the lap band need to re-learn how to burp...what?!), they are easily made better. 


3) Muscular pain: This has definitely been the worst kind of pain. While I know that the doctors didn't cut any of my stomach muscles, it certainly feels that way. On days 2 and 3, I was unable to lift myself up from a lying to seating position because I didn't have any strength in my stomach muscles. This caused a lot of screaming, crying, moaning, etc. 


4) Fibromyalgia pain: Unfortunately this surgery has caused my fibromyalgia to flare up. My back has been extremely painful, and unlike the other pain that can be somewhat helped with heavy pain medication (I have been trying not to take much, however), the fibro pain is constant and doesn't go away. 


Eating
The first week consisted of full fluids, which to be honest is just fine with me. I haven't been very hungry, and have actually experienced a fair bit of nausea every time I have something to eat. My favourites during this week have been cranberry juice, popsicles, unsweeted passion tea over ice,  and Yop (a yogurt drink). Today, I move onto to the pureed (or mushy) phase which includes things like apple sauce, scrambled eggs, low fat pudding, yogurt and cottage cheese. I am really excited to be able to eat some 'real food' again, but am also really nervous to see how these foods will go down (and if they will stay down). 


Weight
I am happy to say that as of yesterday I am down 14lbs (since the start of my pre-op diet). The weight seems to be melting off at the moment,  until yesterday (when I somehow gained 3lbs). My mom thinks I should stop weighing myself daily, so I am going to try and start weighing myself on a weekly basis, so I am not upset by any random gaining. 


Hospital Visit
Unfortunately on Wednesday, I had a bit of a scare. My sister and I were out on a quick shopping trip (my first real attempt at getting out of the house), when I started feeling like I couldn't breathe properly. My chest was extremely painful and tight, making it hard to catch my breath. We went to the emergency room, where they got me a bed right away, gave me some pain medication (morphine is my new best friend), and did some blood work and x-rays. When the doctor came back to the room to tell me I tested positive for blood clots, I was freaking out. Luckily, he gave me a shot of blood thinners (in my stomach), and ordered some tests for the next day. I am happy to say that after two different tests yesterday, there are no blood clots the doctors can physically see (I don't know if my test was a false positive or if I did have some clots and the blood thinners diluted them), and I was able to go home. 


TMI
I posted a video of my hospital experience yesterday (including a call I made to my parents when I wasn't able to breathe very well). I realize that some people think this is too personal, and question why I would post such a video on the internet. Here is my answer: From day one, I decided I would be completely open about this process. I want to share both the bad and good with my subscribers/viewers for a number of reasons: 1) I am an open book and it is easier to show what is going on with my life, than to hide it like some really big secret. 2) I know the majority of people who read this blog, aren't planning on having weight loss surgery, but for those who might be considering it, I want them to know the good, the bad and the ugly so that they can make a more informed decision. 3) When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I kept everything to myself. I didn't think any of my friends would understand what was going on with me, and I didn't want to bore anyone with the details. Needless to say, I lost A LOT of friends, and became extremely unhappy. I don't want to lose friends because I am keeping every bad thing that happens to me to myself. The lap band is going to be a huge part of my life forever, and it would be weird for me to talk about everything else in my life, and not share the details of my surgery/recovery. I know not everyone will agree with my approach, but I have never forced anyone to read this blog or watch my daily videos. This is who I am, and that is not going to change


Regret
To say that I have regretted this surgery every single day would be an understatement. At this point, the pain has been so bad, I really wish I had not gone through with it. With that said, I know that will not be the case in a couple of months. Every single person I have spoken with about the surgery (or heard speak about the surgery), has said they have absolutely no regrets, despite the fact that they have had a variety of complications. 


It is my hope that week two will go a little more smoothly and I will be fancy free and flying high very soon. As always, thanks for all of your support. 


xx
Alicia

Surgery Day Video

Sorry I haven't posted in the last couple of days, but I have been feeling really unwell. The pain has been completely overwhelming and, coupled with extreme nausea, has been making me regret my decision to do this. I hope to be back to normal within the week, and will be able to fill you in on more of the details. For now, here is the video my sister and I shot on surgery day. 

Surgery Update

I just wanted to give you a quick surgery update. I won't go into all of the details in this post, but wanted to let you know that the surgery went well and I am home. They were able to band my stomach and also fix a hiatus hernia they found. I am in quite a lot of pain especially in my stomach area (think working out your abs for the first time in years x 1000), but have decided not to take the pain medication prescribed to me because it makes me sick (I would rather have pain than be sick to my stomach). 

I am already learning how different eating and drinking will be with his band, as having sips of water feels very weird. I've been sticking to ice chips so far, and today I will get to try some clear juice and some popsicles. 

Thanks again for all of your support. When I feel a little more up to it, I will let you know more details of my surgery and recovery (my sister videotaped a lot of it). 

xx

Alicia

Doctor Concerns

I know I said my last post would be the last before my surgery, but I am feeling pretty upset and wanted to get some feelings out. Before I talk about those feelings, I just want to say the following. The surgeon we selected to do my surgery has done over 4000 lap band surgeries without complication. He has given talks all over the world and is considered an expert in his field. Every person who has written about him on message boards has said nothing but wonderful things about him and his bed side practice. 


With that said, I am somewhat upset with him right now, and while it may just be nerves talking, I am not 100% confident in him. Here are my issues. 


1) When I went to my initial consultation, he refused to believe that my weight gain could be related to anything other than the fact that I eat too much. I tried to tell him that we have always been diet conscious in our house (we have low fat everything) and that I surprisingly have a fairly small appetite. He believes that the only reason I gained weight is because I consume too many calories. 


2) At the consultation my mom asked a number of questions. Just to give you a quick background, my mom is a psychologist and professor at a big university here in Ontario and does A LOT of research on all of my medical problems/procedures. Like a lot of the doctors I have seen, this doctor did not like the fact that my Mom was questioning him so much, and at times would cut her off before she could ask her question. I personally thought he was rude to my mom, she didn't (I am always sensitive about that. I remember crying in the emergency room before getting a needle in my back, not because I was scared of the needle,  but because I thought the doctor was being mean to my Mom..lol). 


3) The doctor made everything sound so easy.  You'll have your surgery, you'll recover in a few days and you will eat whatever your family eats just in smaller amounts. What I have heard from the people who work for him (a lot have had the surgery) and people online, this is not the case. A lot of people don't recover for a couple of weeks and you are not able to eat whatever your family eats because there are a lot of things you may not be able to tolerate.  I will give him the benefit of the doubt on this one because I know that the majority of the follow up after the surgery is done by the nurses and support staff (and he may not know everything people go through after surgery). 


4) After not losing a lot of weight (and actually gaining one day) during the pre-op diet, I wrote my patient co-ordinator and once again expressed concerns about other medical reasons I might not be losing the weight. She wrote back (she is incredibly nice) and said she was forwarding my email to the doctor and I would hear from him directly. Well, I have yet to hear from him (it's been 1 and 1/2 days). 


I don't plan on going into the surgery before I have discussed my concerns with him, but I know that when I am already upset and nervous, it may not come out in the nicest of ways. I am not someone who just thinks "he's the doctor, he knows best" but I also don't want to upset someone who is going to be cutting me open.  Also, I have only met him once, very briefly (maybe 20 minutes) and everyone talks about just how nice he is and how is so great to patients, gives out his personal number and will go out of his way to help his patients. 


I know a lot of people are going to think (and maybe write): 'Don't go through with it, or find another doctor' but it's not that easy. There aren't many lap band surgeons in Ontario. He comes very highly recommended and is seen as a leader in his field. While I am upset by the way he treated my mom and me, I would rather have a good doctor operating on me, rather than a friendly doctor who sucked. 


My mom and I are going to call the office tomorrow to discuss my concerns. We have paid a large amount of money , and I believe I should be 100% confident in him before we go through with the surgery.  Hopefully the bedside manner he has shown all of the people on the message boards comes out, and who knows, maybe I will grow to love him. Fingers crossed. 


To end this post, I wanted to share a joke my mom and I always say every time we meet a doctor like him. 


Q: What's the difference between God and a doctor? 
A: God doesn't think he's a doctor. 


xx
Alicia






I know I am going to receive a lot of 

Last Post Before Surgery and Anxiety

I am an anxious person, I have always been an anxious person and I will probably always be an anxious person. With that said, the way I feel when I get anxious never gets easier. Luckily I was able to hold off any major anxiety over my surgery until today (I guess with a day and 1/2 left that's good). I feel absolutely horrible at the moment. My stomach hurts, I am completely nauseous and I kind of feel like I can't breathe. 


When I had my brain surgery a few years ago, I was a complete mess the night before. I was up all night crying (well screaming and crying), throwing up and begging my parents not to make me go through with the surgery. It was one of my worst life memories, and I am so afraid that is going to happen to me again tomorrow night. Krista, my mom and I are heading to Mississauga tomorrow, and plan to spend the night at a hotel so I can be at my surgeon's office early the next day. We booked a suite with two rooms so that Krista doesn't have to spend the night listening to me freak out (my poor Mom on the other hand does). 


My mom and sister aren't allowed to stay at the clinic while I have my surgery and aren't supposed to come back until the nurse calls them to say I am ready to go home. That is NOT okay with me. Whether I seem like a baby or not, I have always done a lot better having a family member with me during the various medical procedures I have had (MRIs, spinal taps, etc), and know recovery will go much more smoothly if they allow my Mom and/or sister to stay in the room with me. I wrote my patient co-ordinator and explained my worries to her, so hopefully her response will help calm some of my anxiety. 


This will probably be my last post before surgery on Friday (unless I get the sudden urge to write something tomorrow). While the doctor told me recover is 3-5 days I have read a lot of blogs where people say they didn't feel well for 2-3 weeks (I know, I know, everyone is different, I might be lucky and only be down for a day or two). I am going to try and update this blog as much as possible after surgery, and will make sure my sister comes on here right after my surgery to give you an update. 


Thank you all for your support and encouragement. You have made the whole process a lot easier for me, and I am grateful. 


xx
Alicia

Very Disappointing Numbers

Before I started the surgical process of losing weight, I had tried several different diets. Unfortunately over the past couple of years I only seemed to be gaining weight, and no matter what I tried (weight watchers, no carbs) nothing came off. It was then that I decided to go the surgical route. 


To be honest, my house has always been 'low fat'. We always choose the healthier options when it comes to food, and we are rarely seen sitting out with bags of chips and bottles of coke gorging ourselves. 


When I met with the surgeon preforming my surgery, we questioned him about this. How is it that someone who doesn't eat very much (I had fairly small appetite) can continue to gain weight? How can someone who used to be able to lose significant amounts of weight on a diet, suddenly not be able to lose even a couple of pounds? Could something be medically wrong? He was unwilling to hear that and said that in no way could this be medically related. It was clear that I was eating too much and needed a strict diet. While I didn't 100% agree, I figured he was the doctor and therefore knows best. 


I started this pre-op diet ten days ago and have had less than 1000 calories every day. I have stuck with just drinking protein shakes and eating veggies, until 3 days ago when I made the choice to eat fat free cottage cheese (only 1/2 cup a day). I figured that with such a strict diet I would definitely lose weight. I've read stories about people losing 20-25 pounds during the pre-op diet, and some doctors actually require you to lose 10 pounds during the pre-op diet to show that you can actually lose weight (and stick with a strict diet). 


This evening I got home from my cottage and decided to weigh myself (I weighed myself right before I started the pre-op diet). I didn't want to get my hopes up, but figured I would have lost at least 8-10 pounds. NOPE. Not even close. I have spent the last 10 days dying from hunger and nausea to lose 2.5 pounds!


I know some people are going to say, that's great, every little pound counts, but I don't see it that way. Why am I spending thousands of dollars to save surgery when I don't even know if I can lose significant weight? Is there something medically wrong and should we explore that before I have major surgery? 


My mom and I are going to call the doctor tomorrow morning, but I can't help but think he will somehow blame it on me and my 'over eating' habits. It's so disappointing to work so hard and see such crappy results. :(


xx
Alicia

What?!

It is day 10 and, emotionally,  I am feeling much better. On Friday my sister and I took a trip to the States for some retail therapy. I had been feeling really sick all day (as only eating vegetables and protein shakes will do that to a person), so I made the decision to add something else to my diet. I decided that cottage cheese would be my best choice. First, it has a ton of protein (something I am supposed to get a lot of), and second it is both low in calories and fat (I got the lightest kind available).  Unfortunately, because my surgeon's office has been closed since Friday, I haven't been able to share my decision with the doctor or nurses. However, I think it was the right decision for me, and I can't even tell you how much better I feel.


On Friday I got a really strange email from my patient co-ordinator. She said that I had checked off a number of things on my pre-op form that she wanted to double check. She said I had sleep apnea (nope), diabetes (nope) allergies to medication (nope), asthma (nope) and that I am pregnant. Wait, what??!! First off, no, I am not pregnant. Second, why would they only be asking me this a week before my surgery? Do they operate on women who are pregnant? If they do, is this the type of place I want to have my surgery? Did they confuse my chart with somebody else's?  Again, is this the type of place I want to have my surgery? My Mom and I are going to call tomorrow and clarify some things, but it seems very weird to me. 


Other than that, I have been trying very hard not to think about the surgery. My sister and I decided to start our own youtube channel (daily vlog, fun videos, etc.) which has really taken my mind off of the fact that I am having surgery in 5 days (oh man, a chill just went down my spine). 


We are off to spend the day on the boat which will hopefully take my mind off everything. 


xx
Alicia

Warning: Bad Headspace

I woke up this morning thinking, 'wow, yay...I  made it to day 7' and then it all went downhill. As much as people try to encourage me to keep on truckin', it's hard. I feel like absolute CRAP. Not only am I still hungry, my hunger is making me super nauseous and I am barely able to swallow my shakes or veggies as I am so sick of both of them. 


I don't understand how some pre-op diet allow patients to eat high protein, low carb foods (cottage cheese, lean meats) and I am stuck eating this crap. 


I know everyone says 'don't go into the lap band forums online', but it is comforting. I know people are looking out for my best interest and worried that I am going to psych myself out, but come on, everyone who is saying that to me has never been through this surgery. I need to go into forums where I feel support from people who are in my situation and guess what, not everything they say is sunshine and roses. There are a lot of problems that result from the band, and from what I have read it is going to be a really tough road. I would rather know the reality of the situation then be completely shocked after the surgery when I am in horrible pain, or food is getting stuck in my band causing me to 'foam at the mouth' (gross, I know, but that's the reality for a lot of people). 


I am somewhat regretting my decision to do this as I don't want to spend the next 30 years of my life at doctors appointments and emergency waiting rooms. The way the surgery was explained to me is as follows: 'You will have a 30 minute surgery. You will leave recovery in two hours. You will feel back to normal by day 3. You will eat whatever your family eats, just in smaller portions'. 


This is actually not reality for 99% of those who have the band (even those who have been operated on by my doctor). Most people don't recover for a number of weeks (some people still have horrible pain a month later). There are many items you will not be able to eat. Most people cannot digest pasta, bread, rice, corn, lettuce, etc. after surgery as they get stuck in the band, and cause a lot of problems. I am not stupid, neither is my family. I knew that it wasn't going to be as easy as the doctor made it out to be. I figured I would have a bad few months, but I didn't think that I would spend the rest of my life having to worry about every little thing I ate and whether or not I was going to be in pain after my next 'fill'. 


I think knowing all this, I would still have made the decision to do the surgery (nothing else has worked), but I feel like I was fooled into handing over a ton of money, when I really didn't have all of the facts. 


I know that I am in a bad head space today. I may wake up tomorrow, read this post and think, what a complainer/sourpuss, but right now I am just not doing well. I feel like this is breaking my spirit and I am definitely afraid to see what the Alicia on the other side of this whole thing is going to be like. Will it be worth it? I guess that is to be determined. 


xx
Alicia

A 'No Energy' Update

I just wanted to do a quick bullet point update to let you know that I am still alive (the pre-op diet hasn't killed me... yet). For some reason, I have absolutely no energy today, so the idea of typing an actual post makes me want to curl into a ball and cry (my beauty blog is being neglected). 


* I don't seem to be craving 'real food' as much as usual, although I don't seem to have an appetite for anything. I am working on shake #2 for the day (i only drank 1/2 of the first one), and I will be happy if I am able to finish it (shake #3 is not happening). 


* My mom made me a new shake for breakfast. It was a vanilla meal replacement shake combined with some raspberry crystal light powder. It reminded me a lot of really sweet pink chocolate. It wasn't bad, but I think I will save it for my evening (or dessert) shake tomorrow. 


* I managed to get out of the house today. My family went boating and I decided to join. At first I really regretted my decision as a rocking boat and a queasy stomach don't go together very well, but once I got into the nice cool water, I felt a lot better. 


* My energy level is at an all time low. I had a shower today and was seriously out of breath by the end of it. Everyone keeps talking about how much energy I will have once I am in ketosis, but so far it has not happened. 


* My mom bought me some ketosticks (basically you pee on them and then see if you are in ketosis). Last night, my stick said I was between 'small' and 'medium' (whatever that means), but this morning it said there was no trace of ketosis. Everyone says I will feel amazing once I reach it. I hope they are right. 


xx
Alicia

First Try of My Meal Replacement Shake (Video)

I have started a new youtube channel for Funny Face Weight Loss, as I hope to record my weight loss journey. As I mentioned in a previous post, I had my sister record my first sip of the Slim Time meal replacement shakes I have to drink. I warn you I have absolutely no makeup on, my hair is not done and I am in my PJs. While I would definitely never call the shakes 'tasty', they have been getting better as I get used to them, and I am now able to drink one in about 20 minutes (day one it took me 3 hours to finish one of them). 


If you would like to see more videos of my journey, feel free to subscribe to my youtube channel here. 







xx
Alicia