Surgery Day Video

Sorry I haven't posted in the last couple of days, but I have been feeling really unwell. The pain has been completely overwhelming and, coupled with extreme nausea, has been making me regret my decision to do this. I hope to be back to normal within the week, and will be able to fill you in on more of the details. For now, here is the video my sister and I shot on surgery day. 

Surgery Update

I just wanted to give you a quick surgery update. I won't go into all of the details in this post, but wanted to let you know that the surgery went well and I am home. They were able to band my stomach and also fix a hiatus hernia they found. I am in quite a lot of pain especially in my stomach area (think working out your abs for the first time in years x 1000), but have decided not to take the pain medication prescribed to me because it makes me sick (I would rather have pain than be sick to my stomach). 

I am already learning how different eating and drinking will be with his band, as having sips of water feels very weird. I've been sticking to ice chips so far, and today I will get to try some clear juice and some popsicles. 

Thanks again for all of your support. When I feel a little more up to it, I will let you know more details of my surgery and recovery (my sister videotaped a lot of it). 

xx

Alicia

Doctor Concerns

I know I said my last post would be the last before my surgery, but I am feeling pretty upset and wanted to get some feelings out. Before I talk about those feelings, I just want to say the following. The surgeon we selected to do my surgery has done over 4000 lap band surgeries without complication. He has given talks all over the world and is considered an expert in his field. Every person who has written about him on message boards has said nothing but wonderful things about him and his bed side practice. 


With that said, I am somewhat upset with him right now, and while it may just be nerves talking, I am not 100% confident in him. Here are my issues. 


1) When I went to my initial consultation, he refused to believe that my weight gain could be related to anything other than the fact that I eat too much. I tried to tell him that we have always been diet conscious in our house (we have low fat everything) and that I surprisingly have a fairly small appetite. He believes that the only reason I gained weight is because I consume too many calories. 


2) At the consultation my mom asked a number of questions. Just to give you a quick background, my mom is a psychologist and professor at a big university here in Ontario and does A LOT of research on all of my medical problems/procedures. Like a lot of the doctors I have seen, this doctor did not like the fact that my Mom was questioning him so much, and at times would cut her off before she could ask her question. I personally thought he was rude to my mom, she didn't (I am always sensitive about that. I remember crying in the emergency room before getting a needle in my back, not because I was scared of the needle,  but because I thought the doctor was being mean to my Mom..lol). 


3) The doctor made everything sound so easy.  You'll have your surgery, you'll recover in a few days and you will eat whatever your family eats just in smaller amounts. What I have heard from the people who work for him (a lot have had the surgery) and people online, this is not the case. A lot of people don't recover for a couple of weeks and you are not able to eat whatever your family eats because there are a lot of things you may not be able to tolerate.  I will give him the benefit of the doubt on this one because I know that the majority of the follow up after the surgery is done by the nurses and support staff (and he may not know everything people go through after surgery). 


4) After not losing a lot of weight (and actually gaining one day) during the pre-op diet, I wrote my patient co-ordinator and once again expressed concerns about other medical reasons I might not be losing the weight. She wrote back (she is incredibly nice) and said she was forwarding my email to the doctor and I would hear from him directly. Well, I have yet to hear from him (it's been 1 and 1/2 days). 


I don't plan on going into the surgery before I have discussed my concerns with him, but I know that when I am already upset and nervous, it may not come out in the nicest of ways. I am not someone who just thinks "he's the doctor, he knows best" but I also don't want to upset someone who is going to be cutting me open.  Also, I have only met him once, very briefly (maybe 20 minutes) and everyone talks about just how nice he is and how is so great to patients, gives out his personal number and will go out of his way to help his patients. 


I know a lot of people are going to think (and maybe write): 'Don't go through with it, or find another doctor' but it's not that easy. There aren't many lap band surgeons in Ontario. He comes very highly recommended and is seen as a leader in his field. While I am upset by the way he treated my mom and me, I would rather have a good doctor operating on me, rather than a friendly doctor who sucked. 


My mom and I are going to call the office tomorrow to discuss my concerns. We have paid a large amount of money , and I believe I should be 100% confident in him before we go through with the surgery.  Hopefully the bedside manner he has shown all of the people on the message boards comes out, and who knows, maybe I will grow to love him. Fingers crossed. 


To end this post, I wanted to share a joke my mom and I always say every time we meet a doctor like him. 


Q: What's the difference between God and a doctor? 
A: God doesn't think he's a doctor. 


xx
Alicia






I know I am going to receive a lot of 

Last Post Before Surgery and Anxiety

I am an anxious person, I have always been an anxious person and I will probably always be an anxious person. With that said, the way I feel when I get anxious never gets easier. Luckily I was able to hold off any major anxiety over my surgery until today (I guess with a day and 1/2 left that's good). I feel absolutely horrible at the moment. My stomach hurts, I am completely nauseous and I kind of feel like I can't breathe. 


When I had my brain surgery a few years ago, I was a complete mess the night before. I was up all night crying (well screaming and crying), throwing up and begging my parents not to make me go through with the surgery. It was one of my worst life memories, and I am so afraid that is going to happen to me again tomorrow night. Krista, my mom and I are heading to Mississauga tomorrow, and plan to spend the night at a hotel so I can be at my surgeon's office early the next day. We booked a suite with two rooms so that Krista doesn't have to spend the night listening to me freak out (my poor Mom on the other hand does). 


My mom and sister aren't allowed to stay at the clinic while I have my surgery and aren't supposed to come back until the nurse calls them to say I am ready to go home. That is NOT okay with me. Whether I seem like a baby or not, I have always done a lot better having a family member with me during the various medical procedures I have had (MRIs, spinal taps, etc), and know recovery will go much more smoothly if they allow my Mom and/or sister to stay in the room with me. I wrote my patient co-ordinator and explained my worries to her, so hopefully her response will help calm some of my anxiety. 


This will probably be my last post before surgery on Friday (unless I get the sudden urge to write something tomorrow). While the doctor told me recover is 3-5 days I have read a lot of blogs where people say they didn't feel well for 2-3 weeks (I know, I know, everyone is different, I might be lucky and only be down for a day or two). I am going to try and update this blog as much as possible after surgery, and will make sure my sister comes on here right after my surgery to give you an update. 


Thank you all for your support and encouragement. You have made the whole process a lot easier for me, and I am grateful. 


xx
Alicia

Very Disappointing Numbers

Before I started the surgical process of losing weight, I had tried several different diets. Unfortunately over the past couple of years I only seemed to be gaining weight, and no matter what I tried (weight watchers, no carbs) nothing came off. It was then that I decided to go the surgical route. 


To be honest, my house has always been 'low fat'. We always choose the healthier options when it comes to food, and we are rarely seen sitting out with bags of chips and bottles of coke gorging ourselves. 


When I met with the surgeon preforming my surgery, we questioned him about this. How is it that someone who doesn't eat very much (I had fairly small appetite) can continue to gain weight? How can someone who used to be able to lose significant amounts of weight on a diet, suddenly not be able to lose even a couple of pounds? Could something be medically wrong? He was unwilling to hear that and said that in no way could this be medically related. It was clear that I was eating too much and needed a strict diet. While I didn't 100% agree, I figured he was the doctor and therefore knows best. 


I started this pre-op diet ten days ago and have had less than 1000 calories every day. I have stuck with just drinking protein shakes and eating veggies, until 3 days ago when I made the choice to eat fat free cottage cheese (only 1/2 cup a day). I figured that with such a strict diet I would definitely lose weight. I've read stories about people losing 20-25 pounds during the pre-op diet, and some doctors actually require you to lose 10 pounds during the pre-op diet to show that you can actually lose weight (and stick with a strict diet). 


This evening I got home from my cottage and decided to weigh myself (I weighed myself right before I started the pre-op diet). I didn't want to get my hopes up, but figured I would have lost at least 8-10 pounds. NOPE. Not even close. I have spent the last 10 days dying from hunger and nausea to lose 2.5 pounds!


I know some people are going to say, that's great, every little pound counts, but I don't see it that way. Why am I spending thousands of dollars to save surgery when I don't even know if I can lose significant weight? Is there something medically wrong and should we explore that before I have major surgery? 


My mom and I are going to call the doctor tomorrow morning, but I can't help but think he will somehow blame it on me and my 'over eating' habits. It's so disappointing to work so hard and see such crappy results. :(


xx
Alicia

What?!

It is day 10 and, emotionally,  I am feeling much better. On Friday my sister and I took a trip to the States for some retail therapy. I had been feeling really sick all day (as only eating vegetables and protein shakes will do that to a person), so I made the decision to add something else to my diet. I decided that cottage cheese would be my best choice. First, it has a ton of protein (something I am supposed to get a lot of), and second it is both low in calories and fat (I got the lightest kind available).  Unfortunately, because my surgeon's office has been closed since Friday, I haven't been able to share my decision with the doctor or nurses. However, I think it was the right decision for me, and I can't even tell you how much better I feel.


On Friday I got a really strange email from my patient co-ordinator. She said that I had checked off a number of things on my pre-op form that she wanted to double check. She said I had sleep apnea (nope), diabetes (nope) allergies to medication (nope), asthma (nope) and that I am pregnant. Wait, what??!! First off, no, I am not pregnant. Second, why would they only be asking me this a week before my surgery? Do they operate on women who are pregnant? If they do, is this the type of place I want to have my surgery? Did they confuse my chart with somebody else's?  Again, is this the type of place I want to have my surgery? My Mom and I are going to call tomorrow and clarify some things, but it seems very weird to me. 


Other than that, I have been trying very hard not to think about the surgery. My sister and I decided to start our own youtube channel (daily vlog, fun videos, etc.) which has really taken my mind off of the fact that I am having surgery in 5 days (oh man, a chill just went down my spine). 


We are off to spend the day on the boat which will hopefully take my mind off everything. 


xx
Alicia

Warning: Bad Headspace

I woke up this morning thinking, 'wow, yay...I  made it to day 7' and then it all went downhill. As much as people try to encourage me to keep on truckin', it's hard. I feel like absolute CRAP. Not only am I still hungry, my hunger is making me super nauseous and I am barely able to swallow my shakes or veggies as I am so sick of both of them. 


I don't understand how some pre-op diet allow patients to eat high protein, low carb foods (cottage cheese, lean meats) and I am stuck eating this crap. 


I know everyone says 'don't go into the lap band forums online', but it is comforting. I know people are looking out for my best interest and worried that I am going to psych myself out, but come on, everyone who is saying that to me has never been through this surgery. I need to go into forums where I feel support from people who are in my situation and guess what, not everything they say is sunshine and roses. There are a lot of problems that result from the band, and from what I have read it is going to be a really tough road. I would rather know the reality of the situation then be completely shocked after the surgery when I am in horrible pain, or food is getting stuck in my band causing me to 'foam at the mouth' (gross, I know, but that's the reality for a lot of people). 


I am somewhat regretting my decision to do this as I don't want to spend the next 30 years of my life at doctors appointments and emergency waiting rooms. The way the surgery was explained to me is as follows: 'You will have a 30 minute surgery. You will leave recovery in two hours. You will feel back to normal by day 3. You will eat whatever your family eats, just in smaller portions'. 


This is actually not reality for 99% of those who have the band (even those who have been operated on by my doctor). Most people don't recover for a number of weeks (some people still have horrible pain a month later). There are many items you will not be able to eat. Most people cannot digest pasta, bread, rice, corn, lettuce, etc. after surgery as they get stuck in the band, and cause a lot of problems. I am not stupid, neither is my family. I knew that it wasn't going to be as easy as the doctor made it out to be. I figured I would have a bad few months, but I didn't think that I would spend the rest of my life having to worry about every little thing I ate and whether or not I was going to be in pain after my next 'fill'. 


I think knowing all this, I would still have made the decision to do the surgery (nothing else has worked), but I feel like I was fooled into handing over a ton of money, when I really didn't have all of the facts. 


I know that I am in a bad head space today. I may wake up tomorrow, read this post and think, what a complainer/sourpuss, but right now I am just not doing well. I feel like this is breaking my spirit and I am definitely afraid to see what the Alicia on the other side of this whole thing is going to be like. Will it be worth it? I guess that is to be determined. 


xx
Alicia