A Rough Night

Last night was rough! The lack of food has been making me feel super dizzy and faint, and somehow at 5am I ended up 'passed out' (I didn't lose consciousness or anything, I don't think) on the bathroom floor, feeling absolutely horrible.  I've been told several times that I will reach a state of ketosis soon, and feel super energized (and not at all hungry), but so far, it has not happened. 


This morning I feel a little bit better than last night, but still feel incredibly dizzy and sick to my stomach. I was able to drink the majority of my protein shake this morning, but am not sure how I am going to handle drinking two more of them today. 


Off to have a little nap, and hope that my body is in ketosis when I wake up. 


xx
Alicia

Pre-Op Diet Day #3: Updates

I am on day number three of my pre-op diet, and things are so-so. In terms of the diet itself, I am getting better at drinking the shakes (this morning I finished mine in 20 minutes), and don't find that I am as hungry as I was the first day. I haven't been eating as many vegetables as I should be, but I did have a 'salad' (lettuce and some mushrooms with a tiny bit of balsamic vinegar) for lunch. My parents bought some popsicle molds today, so we are going to try and make some shake popsicles so I can have those, instead of my shake, for dinner.  


As for how I am feeling physically, I'm not doing so well. I don't know if it has to do with the diet, or it is just a coincidence, but my fibromyalgia has flared up and I am in quite a lot of pain. This, combined with a constant feeling of being bloated (a side effect of the protein shakes from what I have read), has left me in bed the majority of the day while some of my family enjoys the nice whether out on our boat. 


This morning my mom decided to show her support by taking on my shake and vegetable diet for the day, but she wasn't feeling it. Her breakfast shake (she chose vanilla, which was not good) made her feel sick to her stomach, and the salad at lunch just wasn't enough. She finally gave up around 3:30pm this afternoon and decided to have an egg. 


While I am not as hungry as I thought I would be, I am still having some cravings. Last night I had a dream I was eating sour patch kids and cherry bombs, and when I woke up this morning had a moment of panic, thinking I had broken the diet.  Other than the candy dream, I am actually craving fairly healthy things including blueberries, yogurt, oatmeal and goat cheese (random, I know). 


I started reading a lot of lap band blogs today, and have to admit they really scared me. The surgeon I met with originally made everything sound so easy and straight cut, but it doesn't seem that is the case. According to my surgeon, I will be able to eat anything but in smaller amounts. However, from what I have heard (from both bloggers and people who work with the surgeon), there are a lot of items I won't be able to eat. Each person is different (some can tolerate pasta, some can't), and it's really all about trial and error. That is the part that really scares me because I know I will be afraid to try food as the idea of throwing up or feeling like I am choking is terrifying. 


The surgeon also made it sound like I might have slight discomfort the day of surgery, but should feel normal by the next day. From what I have read, this is not true for most people. A lot of people talked about being in the worst pain ever, and had to be dosed up on fairly heavy pain medications. This really worries me for two reasons. First, I already deal with a lot of pain on a regular basis, and because of my fibromyalgia, I have a lower pain threshold than most (people with fibro apparently feel pain 10x more than people without fibro). Second,  I can't take a lot of pain medications because they make me sick (vomiting need to be kept at a minimum so the band doesn't slip out of place the first few days.)


As for all of the other pre-op rules, I am doing okay.  I haven't shaved my armpits or legs for the past couple of days, and am feeling like a hippie child. I am allowed to swim in the lake (no pools or hot tubs), but haven't had a chance to do so yet. As for tanning, I haven't been outside in the sun very much, and will be sure to wear a lot of sunblock if I do. 


My emotions are all over the place. I have moments where I am completely fine and think 'I can so do this!' and moments where I feel like I can't breathe and think 'What the hell have I gotten myself into?'. While I do have a lot of great support around me, I am worried about how quickly that will fade. When I diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I had a lot of friends who said they were 'there for me', and yet after a couple of months with no improvement, they started to get sick and tired of me constantly not feeling well. I worry that because this will be a process I have to handle for the rest of my life, some of the people in my life will get sick of me having to eat differently, possibly getting sick, having to have my band re-adjusted (you need to be on another liquid diet for this), etc. I do realize that those who aren't supportive aren't worth my time, and those who are closest to me will support me, but it's still not something I look forward to going through again. 


This is, without a doubt, going to be a more difficult journey than I originally thought, but I just try to keep thinking about how I will look and feel once I start losing the weight. 


xx
Alicia

My List of Positives

With some anxiety, gross tasting protein shakes, and some people that would rather try and make me feel bad, than be supportive, it is hard to stay positive. It is for that reason, that I thought I would make a list of all of the things I am looking forward to when I start losing weight. This way, every time I am feeling anxious or overwhelmed, I am come back to my list, and try to think positively. 


1) Fitting into clothes: I don't even care about fitting into smaller clothes at the moment, I would just like to feel comfortable, in the clothes I own. I have a number of things that fit, but it always feels like I am trying to squeeze myself into them, to the point that it is hard to breathe, sit comfortably, etc. 


2) A thinner face: I don't know why my face always seems to be the first place that gains weight, but it has become too round for my liking. I can't wait until I have a slimmer face with cheekbones you can actually see.  I think it will be nice applying makeup to a brand new face, and I know I will feel more confident when it comes to 'face of the day' posts, and tutorials. 


3) Knees that don't hurt: While not all of the pain I experience in my knees is related to my weight, losing weight will definitely help take a lot of stress and pressure off my joints. I will be able to walk more, climb the stairs easier and hopefully spend less time in bed. 


4) Feeling more confident: Lately, there has been fewer and fewer days that I feel completely confident about myself. While appearance is not everything, I definitely think I will feel better about myself and my body once I start losing weight, which will only lead to me feeling more confident. 


5) Getting rid of some of my medical problems: I have several medical problems (fibromyalgia, PCOs, etc.), that while not caused by excess weight, are definitely related to being over weight. I am sick of taking a bunch of different medications, going to tons of doctor's appointments and having all sorts of medical procedures done. I hope that with the weight loss, I will become a healthier person, and won't have to worry about my medical issues as much. 


6) Being able to cross my legs: It sounds silly, but I have always wanted to be able to cross my legs properly. Because of my heavier size, my stomach always gets in the way, and I don't feel like a 'lady' when I wear dresses and skirts. 


7) Not suffocating when I lie flat on my back: Because I have a bigger chest and chin, I sometimes feel like I am suffocating when I lie flat on my back. Losing weight, will make me feel like I can actually breathe. 


8) Feeling and becoming more fit: While a large part of why I have trouble working out has to do with my fibromyalgia, my weight is also a factor in how much I can exercise. With less weight to drag around, I think I will be able to exercise more easily which will help in losing more weight, and becoming more toned. 


As the days go on, there are more things I look forward to, and I will be sure to continue this list in future posts. 


Thank you so much to all of the people who have been supportive, and who have written encouraging comments. I really appreciate it. 


xx
Alicia

Pre-Op Diet Day One: My First Meal Replacement Shake

Last night, was not a good night.  I don't want to get into too much detail in this post, but basically I ended up having multiple panic attacks at a concert I had been dying to go to for months. I am beyond nervous, sick, etc. over this surgery, and if the next two weeks are anything like last night, it is going to be a rough road. I do plan on writing a more lengthy post on my emotions and panic about the surgery, but for now I just wanted to give a quick update on the first day of my pre-op diet (video to follow soon). 


I had my first meal replacement shake this morning (chocolate), and I am not going to lie...they are gross. Not only do they taste like 'fake chocolate', they are really thick, very powdery, and not easy to get down (I'm currently nursing my dinner shake, and probably won't finish it for another hour).  After a shake for both breakfast and lunch, I finally had some 'real' food for dinner. My Dad fried up some sliced mushrooms (no oil allowed), added a small amount of balsamic vinegar (I am allowed to have it in limited amounts) and put it over some lettuce. It was a nice break from the shakes, but I'd kill for some bread, fruit, cheese, or anything really. 


A couple of the people who work at the clinic I am having my surgery (and, who have had the surgery themselves) said that the first couple of day are the most difficult. According to them, I will be feeling amazing by day three (lots of energy) and won't miss real food. Fingers crossed!


Tomorrow my sister is going to help me measure my entire body, and take pictures of me from all angels so I can track my progress on this blog. I'd like to share how much weight I lose, but am trying to work up the nerve to tell you how much I currently weigh (it's a pretty big number). 


Thanks again for all of your support. 


xx
Alicia

Weird Rules Explained (Well Kinda)

I sent an email to my patient co-ordinator yesterday asking a number of questions, including why some of the 'weird rules' I wrote about previously are in place. I didn't get a very lengthy explanation, but I thought I would share the email I received back from her none the less.  The main goal it seems, is not to get any sort of skin infection before surgery,  as it could cause complications when they 'cut me open'.  


My Questions



1) I know that the patient guide said no swimming in pools or hot tubs for 2 weeks prior to surgery. I am wondering why that is and if I am able to swim in the lake, or if I am not supposed to swim at all (we will be spending the next two weeks at our cottage on Lake Huron)


2) I also saw that I am not supposed to shave any part of my body 2 weeks before surgery and wondered the reason behind that.


3) I also read that you are supposed to notify the office if you have a rash, ingrown hair or pimple any time during the two weeks prior to the surgery. Why is that? I have mild acne and get a new blemish almost every day.

4) As for no tanning, do I need to stay out of the sun completely or just not go outside with the purpose of getting a tan? 

Her Responses

1) Dr. Cobourn has informed me that you are able to swim in the lake.

2) You shouldn’t shave due to the fact it could cause razor burn and ingrown hairs (open wounds) which cause risk of infection.

3) Please notify us if you have a rash or ingrown hair anywhere on your torso, for the reason explained above.

4) We do not want you to get a sunburn, again, risk of infection. You are able to go outside in the sun.

xx
Alicia

Panic Over Protein Shakes

Over the last couple of days, the excitement of having this weight loss surgery has been slowly fading, and instead, the panic is setting in. While there are a number of things I am nervous about (being cut open, not being able to eat normally for the rest of my life, whether or not this will actually work), right now my biggest concern seems to be the protein shakes. Starting Friday, I will have to drink three, 250 calorie protein shakes a day. The shakes, combined with a few vegetables (lettuce, cucumbers and mushrooms) will be the only food I eat for two weeks leading up to surgery. 


While I understand that there are sacrifices to be made  (and hopefully better things to come) if I am having this surgery, I can't help but worry that the next two weeks will be hell. With only two flavours to choose from (I got 6 boxes of chocolate and 3 boxes of vanilla), I am worried that I will hate the way they taste and not be able to drink, or keep them, down. Will the lack of calories be a huge shock to my system? Will I feel exhausted, sick or faint? Will I actually be able to stick with the two week program or will I find myself sneaking bits of actual food throughout the day? Will I feel ostracized from my friends and family? Will the two weeks be just a sample of what life will be like with a lap band? Can I handle this? 


This is sure to be a very 'interesting' weekend, and I will be sure to keep you updated on this part of my journey. 


xx
Alicia

Rules, Rules and More Weird Rules...What?!

I have been reading and re-reading all of the pre-op and post-op information I was sent by the patient co-ordinator I have been assigned for my lap band surgery, and I have to admit, I am beyond confused. First off, there are a billion and two rules to follow (slight exaggeration). Make sure to chew each bite of food at least 20 times, do not chew gum or suck on mints, crush all medication for the first couple of weeks after surgery. While annoying, I can understand why these rules are in place. With that said, there are a number of pre-op rules I just don't get:


1) Do not swim in pools or hot tubs for two weeks prior to surgery: Okay, I can understand why you might not be able to swim for a couple of weeks after surgery (after all, my incisions need to heal), but why can't I swim before hand? Is it just pools and hot tubs I can't go in, or do I need to avoid the lake as well? It's 110 degrees outside (another slight exaggeration), and I can tell you right now, I am not going to be a happy camper when my family is out on the boat cooling themselves in the water as I sit back at home, hot as can be, sipping 750 calories worth of protein shakes. 


2) No tanning for two weeks prior to surgery: Again, I can understand why I might not be allowed to tan my stomach after surgery (my incisions will be more likely to scar from the sun), but why before? Does this mean no tanning beds and laying out in the sun with the purpose of getting a tan, or do I need to avoid the outdoors all together? What happens if I accidentally get a tan standing by my bedroom window? Is the surgery cancelled? Do I need to tape my blinds shut? Go into vampire mode? 


3) Do not shave or wax any part of your body for two weeks prior to surgery: When I first read this rule, I made one of those half laugh/half cry noises. No shaving any part of my body for two weeks? Do they know it's summer? I can't walk around wearing capris and heavy leg hair! What about my armpits? I shave them daily! Do I have to braid my, what will now be, long armpit hair for the surgery so it doesn't get in the doctors way?


4) Please notify your patient co-ordinator if you develop a rash, ingrown hair, blemish or PIMPLE anywhere on your body, during the two weeks prior to surgery: Does my patient co-ordinator have a home number I can use? As those who also follow my beauty blog know, I have a slight issue with acne. Am I supposed to call them every time I develop a new pimple? I'll be tying up their lines! No one else will be able to get through. I can understand how a rash, maybe even an ingrown hair, could be worrisome (they don't want you to have any sort of skin infection before they slice you open), but a pimple? Maybe I should see if I can call in every time I don't develop some sort of blemish during those two weeks....it might be easier. 


There are so many other rules I have yet to read through and fully understand, but for the time being, the four rules above are what have me most stumped. I do plan on writing my patient co-ordinator this week to find out all of the answers to my questions, but for now, if you have any suggestions on why the above rules are in place, be sure to let me know. I could definitely use some clarification. 


xx
Alicia