Rules, Rules and More Weird Rules...What?!

I have been reading and re-reading all of the pre-op and post-op information I was sent by the patient co-ordinator I have been assigned for my lap band surgery, and I have to admit, I am beyond confused. First off, there are a billion and two rules to follow (slight exaggeration). Make sure to chew each bite of food at least 20 times, do not chew gum or suck on mints, crush all medication for the first couple of weeks after surgery. While annoying, I can understand why these rules are in place. With that said, there are a number of pre-op rules I just don't get:


1) Do not swim in pools or hot tubs for two weeks prior to surgery: Okay, I can understand why you might not be able to swim for a couple of weeks after surgery (after all, my incisions need to heal), but why can't I swim before hand? Is it just pools and hot tubs I can't go in, or do I need to avoid the lake as well? It's 110 degrees outside (another slight exaggeration), and I can tell you right now, I am not going to be a happy camper when my family is out on the boat cooling themselves in the water as I sit back at home, hot as can be, sipping 750 calories worth of protein shakes. 


2) No tanning for two weeks prior to surgery: Again, I can understand why I might not be allowed to tan my stomach after surgery (my incisions will be more likely to scar from the sun), but why before? Does this mean no tanning beds and laying out in the sun with the purpose of getting a tan, or do I need to avoid the outdoors all together? What happens if I accidentally get a tan standing by my bedroom window? Is the surgery cancelled? Do I need to tape my blinds shut? Go into vampire mode? 


3) Do not shave or wax any part of your body for two weeks prior to surgery: When I first read this rule, I made one of those half laugh/half cry noises. No shaving any part of my body for two weeks? Do they know it's summer? I can't walk around wearing capris and heavy leg hair! What about my armpits? I shave them daily! Do I have to braid my, what will now be, long armpit hair for the surgery so it doesn't get in the doctors way?


4) Please notify your patient co-ordinator if you develop a rash, ingrown hair, blemish or PIMPLE anywhere on your body, during the two weeks prior to surgery: Does my patient co-ordinator have a home number I can use? As those who also follow my beauty blog know, I have a slight issue with acne. Am I supposed to call them every time I develop a new pimple? I'll be tying up their lines! No one else will be able to get through. I can understand how a rash, maybe even an ingrown hair, could be worrisome (they don't want you to have any sort of skin infection before they slice you open), but a pimple? Maybe I should see if I can call in every time I don't develop some sort of blemish during those two weeks....it might be easier. 


There are so many other rules I have yet to read through and fully understand, but for the time being, the four rules above are what have me most stumped. I do plan on writing my patient co-ordinator this week to find out all of the answers to my questions, but for now, if you have any suggestions on why the above rules are in place, be sure to let me know. I could definitely use some clarification. 


xx
Alicia