Thursday, July 19, 2012
Warning: Bad Headspace
I woke up this morning thinking, 'wow, yay...I made it to day 7' and then it all went downhill. As much as people try to encourage me to keep on truckin', it's hard. I feel like absolute CRAP. Not only am I still hungry, my hunger is making me super nauseous and I am barely able to swallow my shakes or veggies as I am so sick of both of them.
I don't understand how some pre-op diet allow patients to eat high protein, low carb foods (cottage cheese, lean meats) and I am stuck eating this crap.
I know everyone says 'don't go into the lap band forums online', but it is comforting. I know people are looking out for my best interest and worried that I am going to psych myself out, but come on, everyone who is saying that to me has never been through this surgery. I need to go into forums where I feel support from people who are in my situation and guess what, not everything they say is sunshine and roses. There are a lot of problems that result from the band, and from what I have read it is going to be a really tough road. I would rather know the reality of the situation then be completely shocked after the surgery when I am in horrible pain, or food is getting stuck in my band causing me to 'foam at the mouth' (gross, I know, but that's the reality for a lot of people).
I am somewhat regretting my decision to do this as I don't want to spend the next 30 years of my life at doctors appointments and emergency waiting rooms. The way the surgery was explained to me is as follows: 'You will have a 30 minute surgery. You will leave recovery in two hours. You will feel back to normal by day 3. You will eat whatever your family eats, just in smaller portions'.
This is actually not reality for 99% of those who have the band (even those who have been operated on by my doctor). Most people don't recover for a number of weeks (some people still have horrible pain a month later). There are many items you will not be able to eat. Most people cannot digest pasta, bread, rice, corn, lettuce, etc. after surgery as they get stuck in the band, and cause a lot of problems. I am not stupid, neither is my family. I knew that it wasn't going to be as easy as the doctor made it out to be. I figured I would have a bad few months, but I didn't think that I would spend the rest of my life having to worry about every little thing I ate and whether or not I was going to be in pain after my next 'fill'.
I think knowing all this, I would still have made the decision to do the surgery (nothing else has worked), but I feel like I was fooled into handing over a ton of money, when I really didn't have all of the facts.
I know that I am in a bad head space today. I may wake up tomorrow, read this post and think, what a complainer/sourpuss, but right now I am just not doing well. I feel like this is breaking my spirit and I am definitely afraid to see what the Alicia on the other side of this whole thing is going to be like. Will it be worth it? I guess that is to be determined.