I am an anxious person, I have always been an anxious person and I will probably always be an anxious person. With that said, the way I feel when I get anxious never gets easier. Luckily I was able to hold off any major anxiety over my surgery until today (I guess with a day and 1/2 left that's good). I feel absolutely horrible at the moment. My stomach hurts, I am completely nauseous and I kind of feel like I can't breathe.
When I had my brain surgery a few years ago, I was a complete mess the night before. I was up all night crying (well screaming and crying), throwing up and begging my parents not to make me go through with the surgery. It was one of my worst life memories, and I am so afraid that is going to happen to me again tomorrow night. Krista, my mom and I are heading to Mississauga tomorrow, and plan to spend the night at a hotel so I can be at my surgeon's office early the next day. We booked a suite with two rooms so that Krista doesn't have to spend the night listening to me freak out (my poor Mom on the other hand does).
My mom and sister aren't allowed to stay at the clinic while I have my surgery and aren't supposed to come back until the nurse calls them to say I am ready to go home. That is NOT okay with me. Whether I seem like a baby or not, I have always done a lot better having a family member with me during the various medical procedures I have had (MRIs, spinal taps, etc), and know recovery will go much more smoothly if they allow my Mom and/or sister to stay in the room with me. I wrote my patient co-ordinator and explained my worries to her, so hopefully her response will help calm some of my anxiety.
This will probably be my last post before surgery on Friday (unless I get the sudden urge to write something tomorrow). While the doctor told me recover is 3-5 days I have read a lot of blogs where people say they didn't feel well for 2-3 weeks (I know, I know, everyone is different, I might be lucky and only be down for a day or two). I am going to try and update this blog as much as possible after surgery, and will make sure my sister comes on here right after my surgery to give you an update.
Thank you all for your support and encouragement. You have made the whole process a lot easier for me, and I am grateful.